I wanna hold your hand

"I wanna hold your hand... I wanna hold your hand... I wanna hold your hand...

Oh, please say to me, you'll let me be your man..."

As cheesy it may sound, Beatles wrote some of the world's best songs, everlasting and exudes emotions and 50 years from the year it was written, the gist of the song still applies to the modern world - though inweaved with the bitter of rage and the sweet of love.

I used to believe that love is defined by how much you want to see that person, the frequency and urgency of the ever-inadequate wanting; how strong the heart beats *feels heart rate* when you see that person; the pulsation of nerves developed by the excitement and maybe with a tinge of happiness; or the immense feeling of wilderness; feeling like the world's is empty without that person beside you.

Now all these proved to be the old-school way of thinking - back when we were still in green or blue altered pants or those tacky blue pinafores matched with faded white shirts and fugly tailored blazers and sometimes come with those canvas belts and a school badge!

As we grew older, we tend to have a whole new mindset. Past experiences made us more aware and cautious about each and every step we take. The second we decide to step into a new plateau, the very second you stop and ponder the appropriative section of the decision. That is why decision making is always hard! And with the power of being fickle and indecisive, it's all a mess-up tremor.

My point is, going through all these random write-ups, we as utopiasts are certainly in the direction where we are making our own life complicated and miserable in search of a perfect lifestyle because of our surrounding upbringing. The current situation where it forces our lives to difficult phases does help us in maturing our mind but it does harm if we do not have the power to take control.

If we could take a step back and breathe 3 times....

just go to be now! you're talking nonsense!

ssshhHH!!!

You know what they say about keeping quiet, they are just jealous that they can't stop talking and you can!

Part of my nature of keeping really quiet and speechless, I realised that it's very meditative and soothing. However, this gesture could stir some thoughts of you being cocky, unfriendly, unapproachable or unmannered. Whew! Being silent is a crime indeed; unless you're in the library or in the court!

I don't know what people may think of me when I just want to be extremely quiet and not speak but just smile. Sometimes, when someone talks to me; trying to fit "Hey! How are you long time no see how you have been its been a while since we talked are you married with kids or no kids and yes I am married now for 3 months and my wife is stunning!" in a 10 seconds conversation, I just smile and walked away. Call me arrogant then, I don't care. At least I smiled! :)

Some people try too hard to please someone in a conversation too. They started talking about things and as the conversation runs drier and blander, they will start boasting and bragging about their goods whilst trying their very best to sweep the bad under the carpet as quickly without anyone noticing. In my humble mind, I would rather they just shut up! Am I right or right?

Soon, people would realise that you don't need to talk in order to please someone. It takes a simple step but millions of muscles to work a smile!

They say you have to have spices to life. Take yourself back to the 90s when the Spice Girls were all fired up with 'Spice Up Your Life'. So what are these spices in life and how do you define them in your own interpretation? Is it the entertaining et painful dramas, the backstabbing gossips, the colourful bunch of people around you or the conflicts and never-ending dilemmas that revolve around your life?

*feed me your thoughts*

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Two weeks since my immediate termination of employment, I was able to recapture and recollect my true self and desires. I believe that being engulfed by bad energy everyday and all the emotions or opinions kept inside you would not help in developing good creative mindset. Choked? Encaged? It's something you got to experience to know what it feels.

H : I want you to design something entertainment for this floor. The colour scheme is Four Seasons - Green is Spring, Blue is Winter, Yellow is Summer and Orange is Summer. I want you to make the space more entertainment in your interpretation.

*designed and sketched 3 ideas*

H : Er.. Don't take the design so literal. You can refer to some books and get ideas.

*continued researching, designed and sketched 7 proposals*

H : I am not crazy about the idea. It's doesn't give me the Nature feeling.

Me : What Nature feeling? I thought it's Entertainment?

H : I told you the colour scheme is Four Seasons right? Then the concept is Nature la! Four Seasons means nature ma.. Why you didn't think out of the box?

* H starts showing some ideas from books and roughly sketched a column with LEAVES on the top to hide the flood lights * <-- Taada! 'Thinking out of the box'

Now stop asking why I quit my job.

I had made several bad and unwise decisions. I called them bad, rotten experiences but these experience nurtured me with maturity and smacked me with that big fat wake up call right in the face!; I must not succumb to an easy way out.

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Malacca. Family. Home-cooked Food. What else could I ask for? The departure of several family members last month made me appreciate the companionship of loved ones. I admit that my mind is a spinning gasing! I hardly think about the positive consequences but the negatives. That's bad ain't it?

Two weeks to the big Scrabble tourney, I have been studying night and day; learning new words and their anagrams. It is not easy I must say and each time a friend ask what do I study, I would answer 'words!' How do I study words? Don't know how but I think after playing Scrabble for 5 years, my brain had been programmed to absorb words in a way beyond explanation.

*back to words*

M E B A C K

After 2 months of void, I'm b a c k!

I'll find inspiration to write when I have time to do so.

In short, I realised that I really love writing and would probably want to take up a course to further enhance this liking. I don't know, you tell me.. no?

*back to work*

checked checked checked!

This shows how I multitasked on my laptop most of my free time..

MSN .... checked!

SKYPE .... checked!

Catchup TV .... checked!

Pokemon (I know right?!) .... checked

Facebook .... checked!

Scrabble .... checked!

Call me lifeless but this is what I do.. I feel time is running too fast! TOO fast..

*bored*

kudos to the blind

pictures are courtesy of Mr Andre Teh

MINES MENSA Scrabble Challenge exhibited one of the most awesome sight of Scrabble. I must applaud their effort in bringing in the blind community into the Scrabble scene. Nevertheless, these visually-impaired people showed that their imperfection does not limit their ability to nurture their passion in Scrabble. Some of these participants flew all the way from Sabah and Sarawak just to play in this 3-game tournament because not many competitions actually pay emphasis on them.

I finished my first game quite fast. I walked to the Blind Section and was in plain awe and mesmerization! I was clearly lost in words. The way they touch and feel the board, the tiles and form words without even looking; depending solely on their sense of touch and memory to place the tiles at the correct spot without missing any Power Spots and capitalising every spot they could. My heart sank when I see them play. I have to say that all this while, I never, NEVER expected that Scrabble could be played by a blind person. I was proved wrong.

This event made me think that all these while, we've taken things for granted without us realising what lucky bitches we are. Eventhough they are impaired visually or audibly or verbally, their determination to pursue a dream or be good at something surpasses all mockery and negativity thrown at them for the past years.

I'm so gonna organize a tournament for the blind!

Encouragement is just sweet!

chuck who?

My friend, Seth said I reminded him of Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl! I was like who the hell or what the heck is chuck? He asked me to google.com Chuck Bass and bam!; photos of this chap came out. I don't know. I don't see much similarities or should I rephrase; I don't see similarities anyhow between him and I. Seriously, is there any?

*yae.. Chuck Bass.. yawn*

gone too soon

Yasmin Ahmad is undeniably the ONE and only ONE Malaysian filmmaker who excites me everytime she comes out with a new movie. It's one of those must-do things on the list. I must say that her passing was a little too soon and will stir many emotions among youngsters especially those who started watching Sepet during their teenage years. The local stereotypes she portrayed in all her movies highlights all the little minute details we often overlook in our daily lives. Typical controversial issues of race, religion, taboos, superficials and lifestyles; Yasmin never ceases to instill humour in her work.

I still remember the first time I saw Sepet, I fell in love. It was the last copy in the DVD shop that time and I hastily grabbed that very last one and proceed to the cashier. Then, Gubra came along entailed by one of my favourite, Mukhsin. Mukhsin showed a total different cast altogether and a whole different storyline compared to Sepet and Gubra. Mukhsin is one of the most sincere and pure movie about a first-love story of two young children. Yasmin also proved that one don't need popular and renowned actors or actresses to sellout a movie. It is the inlying message which makes the movie so special and memorable! Jason and Orked running in the rain towards the busstop with pink plastic bags covering their heads - you do remember that don't you? and how Orked irked when she saw a bunch of char-siew (bbq pork) in the kopitiam. And the guy with the handphone who stood still and stared at the phone each time it rang but not answering his calls until sounded?

I must say that when Muallaf was introduced by Yasmin in the newspapers, I was thrilled; but it was disappointing and nettlesome that the Censorship Board of Malaysia banned the movie in our country, what shallow stupidity! It's always the issues of religion and race that these bastards couldn't stop getting rid of magnificient homegrown talents. What's wrong with the equality of religion? No offence but I still don't understand why these so called 'intellects' have to put their religion a note higher than other religions. I mean, we all share the benefits of religious acts. I hope Muallaf DVD is still selling in Singapore. I had been looking high and low for that movie!

... *breathe* Now, the most recent show, Talentime was another case of interracialism and conservatism. I have had enjoyed all of Yasmin Ahmad's movies except for Rabun and Muallaf and I was actually waiting for a new one to hit the silverscreen but God must have loved her more. She left us with inspiration and her solid principles on Malaysian stereotypes and misbeliefs, she showed us what we often not see and neglect - love, family, ignorance, arrogance and so much more. We'll miss you dearly...

"...it is the imperfections that made them perfect." Yasmin Ahmad (1958-2009)