why am i still here?

Life could be so zig-zaggy sometimes, you wouldn't like it!

Fresh from the cinema hall where I was almost dozed off watching Madagascar 2 ... Africa... (geez,I don't even remember the complete title of the movie), so anywayz, I was yawning dramatically in the car all the way back home. Completing house chores and some little grooming was the last thing to do before heading off to bed. Tonight I felt a little different. Before the movie started, I was talking to Kathryn about relationships. (oh! she's just my housemate) It seems she had a whole different perception of what love is all about and that past experiences made her forget what love is and for her confused what love really meant to her. In my life right now, at this phase, I don't see a relationship as a good thing but rather a commitment. Thus, friendship is the only option I opt for each time I meet someone new.

Let's just put it this way. I met this girl couple of months ago in a party. She is fine, pretty shy in the beginning and she's just a friend's friend. This is when facebook comes in real handy. I got tagged in an album with pictures of the party and she instantly messaged me. To my surprise, I was like "..err... isn't this girl the girl I met in Jo's party?" Since then, things blossomed quite nicely and rather sweet I would say. Until one day, when gestures and gimmicks were interpreted wrongly that it turned out to be what might be a serious relationship. I was instantly drawn back because it was a huge commitment I wasn't ready to commit. I ain't gonna hurt a girl's heart if I weren't thinking thoroughly. With that, I gave the opportunity a go. It went away and never return.

Few days back, I received another facebook message from a girl I barely know. ( I don't even know why she's in my friends' list) In the second message, she gave me her phone number. Yes! Desperate I don't know but it certainly freaked me out a LOT! and it is actually quite a turn down. In fact it is a huge no-no for me. Not trying to generalise but why are these girls so daring and outspoken that their instant introduction would be, "You can call or sms me at 01x-xxxxxxx". I'm so not buying it.

People do ask me why, why don't I get a girlfriend. My housemates are pouring that sort of questions and it is now a chant! Blame me for being the only guy (just the two of us actually) left unattached after my roommate got hitched by my housemate. I seriously told them it is just a burden and commitment I am not ready to handle. I let opportunities go just like that without thinking if there's more to come or probably that last one I let go would be the last for me. Can that possibly happen? Am I doing the right thing? For now, I'll leave it at the hands of God.

"Our lives are like crossroads. He chose our paths and if our paths crossed, that is fate - God's will and God's wondrous work."

*I'll just head to bed right now. My mind's relieved.*